The Mother-Child Relationship Etiquette

merryllamax · 2020-06-09 19:11:31

Hi! I’m a new player (about one very unproductive week in) and I’m in love with this game, it’s unlike anything other I’ve every played. I’m especially fascinated with the communal and role-playing aspects. I did meet one or two assholes, but the vast majority of you is so nice and helpful! And was even when I was still figuring out how to water berries.

I have about five million questions about everything, but I wanted to get your opinions specifically about the mother – child relationship etiquette and customs.

Basically, what is expected of me as a mother?

Obviously, I always try to keep my child alive and name them. I had one baby though that demanded I gave him my clothes and backpack, which seemed quite rude. Do you guys consider it your duty to give your children clothes literally off your back?

I had one baby that painstakingly spelled our a very rude word (letter by letter) the first thing they said to me. Would you guys assume that was a griefer or just someone bored? I’m afraid I quite mercilessly left that child in the jungle to die. (If that was you, sorry.)

On a positive note, I love it when my moms talk to me and tell me what’s going on in the village or my siblings. It makes the game entertaining for the first few minutes when you can’t really do anything.

What is the deal with child suicides? How do these people decide so quickly that they don’t want to stay? I find having several children die on my in the matter of moments quite sad and overhelming.

Also, I became a leader now two times, always as a baby. That is kind of mystifying to me, I definitely don’t feel comfortable enough with the game to tell other people what to do. And how am I supposed to give orders as a baby, when I can’t say anything long enough? If I become a leader, does it automatically mean everyone else is even newer than me? Can I give my crown back? Please advise.

voy178 · 2020-06-09 19:51:42

Feed your baby, name them, find them clothes if they are available, give them yours if you don't need them. Never players should stick to keeping their clothing since you need to keep your hunger down.

Use curse mechanic "I curse name lastname" or "I curse you" when standing on the same tile or next to. Cursing pottymouth children helps others too since they can't be born around those who cursed them.

Don't mind instant child suicides, they just want to spawn in a specific place. It's not your fault and won't count towards your score.

You can follow someone else to give the leadership away, but it's often best to treat it like a nominal power position. You have no real obligations and people usually do without a leader. It doesn't really matter in the end. Don't worry about it. Your speech is increased as you age so just wait.

Don't give leadership to someone who asks for it.

Legs · 2020-06-09 20:14:34

Even if you have an evil baby, feed and clothe them. They're still your baby.

The basics of parenting are to keep your baby alive until they're three years old and to give them any clothes or backpacks lying around. Never expect a baby to F for food, always actively feed them. If the town is short on clothing you can share some of yours with your children, but you don't have to. That's going the extra mile and nobody should expect it. Obviously name the baby and feel free to talk to it, don't bother trying to understand babyspeak if they try talking back though. At age three drop them off in the berry patch, wish them luck and tell them to have fun.

If they come to you for help with something it's good to try if you can, think of them being on the same 'team' as you. The same goes for babies- if mom is working on something and asks you to help out with some minor chore like baking or gathering firewood it's nice to help out since she took the time to feed you. In the same vein, don't be afraid to ask mom for help. Teaching is part of mom's responsibilities too. If they seem busy, try asking someone who's doing a thing you want to learn. Try not to be too greedy though. A few minutes of teaching is no problem, but don't expect people to spend 30+ minutes going over every little detail. Take some initiative and try to study up on onetech.info for recipes beforehand.

Sudden infant death in ohol is a way for players to have a minimum amount of control over their circumstances. If someone wants to be born a boy so they can work on a project without interruptions, if someone wants to be a specific family because of that family's specialty, if someone wants to revisit a town they lived in previously. We used to have runner babies that would take off and die asap so they can be reborn somewhere else. With gene score that harms mom, so we have SID to allow them a quick death without harming your score. Don't take it personally.

You don't have to do anything as leader if you don't want to. If you're not comfortable giving orders, give some moral support. Order, everybody's doing great! Order, you're killing it fam great job! If you see a hardworking youngster doing something that seems hard, you could always follow them. Actively following someone can lead to bad leaders though, so it's risky. Most people agree that letting the system choose by gene score is a good idea, because people with a high score obviously care about helping the family thrive.

merryllamax · 2020-06-09 21:15:30

Thank you both for advice, especially about the leader position. Good to know I could always do nothing. The moral support idea is great, I like it when leaders do it, though it may come in hollow from someone who has no idea if the town is going to run of water in five seconds or if we are, in fact, thriving. I forgot I could curse people.

About the evil babies though, doesn't feeding them lead to evil adults who can wreack havoc on the village? Is the idea to give everyone a chance?

Arcurus · 2020-06-09 21:24:23

yea, asking your mom to get her cloths is kind of rude. If you are new better keep your cloths, since you loose faster food without.

You can use "curse you" to curse the next person close to not incarnate next to you. I personally dont use it much, only once when there was a mass murderer as leader....

Be aware if you follow someone and are yourself leader, then you make him leader. Thats not a big deal if you watch what he does, since you can use the /unfollow command, but never ever give some one leadership who asks for, since he can exile and kill all without any big chance of resistance.

If a child says not nice words, then treat him / her like a child and ask him / her to behave.... actually did never happen to me, but i also dont listen to all what babies say with one letter speak...

If another player says not nice words and you are leader, question him, if he makes trouble warn him and if he does not change exile him (he can then be killed by anybody).

If a leader starts killing random people run away instantly and /unfollow him / start a rebellion or if you are a women in fertile age run for your life with some pies....

Just remeber never ever never follow anybody who is asking for you to follow him if you happen to be the leader, except if you want to test him, in this case unfollw him at once and then exile / kill him if he makes mess and ask all to mass curse him. Actually a great way to find griefers...

If you are the leader, and dont know much, just follow a nice working person once you can speak the I follow you words.... if he makes mess, use /unfollow

Currently the biggest trouble is, that long term players get easily angry at noobs, since they think they are griefers, calm them down if possible...

With the current gene score system its kind of semi random to stay at the top, so everybody who at least can take care of himself gets leader once in a while. Many vets use also the /kill suicide command to go back to a family where they want to continue their work, this brings down their score....

Most importantly dont play too much, just play for relaxation, otherwise this game kills you if you have goals longer then one hour....

Have fun!

Catfive · 2020-06-09 22:06:12

merryllamax wrote:

Thank you both for advice, especially about the leader position. Good to know I could always do nothing. The moral support idea is great, I like it when leaders do it, though it may come in hollow from someone who has no idea if the town is going to run of water in five seconds or if we are, in fact, thriving. I forgot I could curse people.
About the evil babies though, doesn't feeding them lead to evil adults who can wreack havoc on the village? Is the idea to give everyone a chance?

You will get to recognise the problem players over time. if they are swearing as kids i'd consider not feeding them or cursing them and then not feeding. Just bear in mind sometimes their griefer friends will curse you for doing such things and take precautions as needed.

merryllamax · 2020-06-09 22:57:22

Thank you, Arcurus, for explaining how the leader position works. As you and voy warned me, I will not follow anyone who asks me to follow them. My last game the leader cursed someone for filling some bowls because we didn't have enough bowls? So what you say about being angry at noobs probably applied there, though everyone has been very nice to me.

Thanks Catfive for the warning! Stupid question, but does this community just call every griefer Bobo? He's just a guy who puts his griefing on youtube right, not some sort of omnipresent evil.

wondible · 2020-06-09 23:02:52

The minimum expected is to keep your kids alive. We all realize we can't play unless somebody feeds us. Beyond that it varies wildly depending on what both mother and child want - some people want a relationship, many have done this a few hundred times and want to move on.

I generally ask my kids if there is anything they want to learn, and perhaps if they know the power of yum, especially if new. The ones who want to learn are fairly rare, and there are often new children and other emergencies to deal with, so it can be hard to teach. I could probably do with some improvements both in questions and offering information on the town and situation.

I look for free clothing, sometimes a bit outside town where people die and don't get noticed. Occasionally I make clothes when I see materials available. If we are short, I sometimes give a kid piece of clothing or two, because the first one makes a noticeable difference. But I may have more kids, so have to kind of ration in that situation. I'm more likely to give away my clothes to a new player. As one yourself, depends on your comfort level with survival. People who beg/demand tend to make me less generous.

Incidentally, baby gameplay is one of the areas the game designer feels is lacking. He doesn't take many suggestions, but does occasionaly pick something up and run with it (e.g. leadership system) if you've got some ideas to make things more engaging for mother and child.

Legs · 2020-06-09 23:47:06

Ironically if I get a new player notification I put absolutely minimal investment into the baby. "You are Newana" (you are new) then chuck them on the fire and walk away. Maybe give them a mouflan hide and straw hat but never actual clothing or backpacks. The idea is that nicer items would be wasted on them since they don't know how to use a backpack and would starve regardless of kit. Likely outside of town where the items may get lost. Better to let them learn the basics of eat-food-don't-starve before giving them the good items. It may seem silly but new players WILL starve regardless of food scarcity, just because they often leave eating til the last second, don't recognize food for what it is or don't know how to eat it. Stuff like stew and turkey that you can't just click on to eat foils them and they starve while trying to figure it out.

FishRfriendsnotfood · 2020-06-10 00:00:11

Why did you bring up bobo? That seems suspicious.

Karrots · 2020-06-10 00:03:04

merryllamax wrote:

Obviously, I always try to keep my child alive and name them. I had one baby though that demanded I gave him my clothes and backpack, which seemed quite rude. Do you guys consider it your duty to give your children clothes literally off your back?

Try to fully clothe your baby if there are clothes around, but prioritize getting one clothing item with item slots like bp, trousers, and apron. First look for bp, if there is none look for trousers, if there are none look for apron.

Usually it's better not to use the apron if you can avoid it since it has no insulation, and it is better to wear a shirt. But always try and get them a bp since it has the most space and is generally very useful. Really, a bp can be life-changing.

Don't give your kid the medical apron unless they express interest in it, medical apron is best saved for healers.

Giving your kids your clothes is considered saint-like behavior. You absolutely don't need to do this and no sane person is expecting you to.

merryllamax wrote:

Also, I became a leader now two times, always as a baby. That is kind of mystifying to me, I definitely don’t feel comfortable enough with the game to tell other people what to do. And how am I supposed to give orders as a baby, when I can’t say anything long enough? If I become a leader, does it automatically mean everyone else is even newer than me? Can I give my crown back? Please advise.

So leader position is chosen by gene score. If you've been getting it, that means you're doing something right. You don't need to do anything. If you want, if you notice a job that needs doing you could try to order people to help out. You can also follow someone else, but it's better to just let the title naturally pass on.

Catfive · 2020-06-10 08:38:04

https://onehouronelife.gamepedia.com/Clothes for details on clothing benefits btw. you owe kids one thing, assuming they are not complete tossers, feed them until they can pick up stuff for themselves, that's it.

merryllamax · 2020-06-10 08:51:54

wondible, thanks a lot, especially for the tip about looking for clothes outside of town, that didn't occur to me!

Legs, u a tough mom! Obviously do what you want but I'd just like to say that I was answering the question "are you new" with "y" long after I knew how to feed myself and use a backpack. There is new as in playing for the first time and new as in, I've just learnt how to survive, new as in I've just learnt to farm, so on...

Fish, I bring up Bobo, cause people mentioned him to me in the game, I don't know what the deal is and googling him wasn't useful. You don't have to answer my questions obviously, but there's no need to be like that.

Karrots, thanks! Is it bad I didn't know trousers had storage? I love bp, yes, I always try to give my children bps. Back when that child demanded I give him mine, he was like "I will die without it" and I was like "same". Very useful. And thanks for explaining how the leaders get selected. I haven't really been paying attention to the gene score at all.

FishRfriendsnotfood · 2020-06-10 09:06:39

whoa, googling him wasn't useful, yet you said he has a YouTube channel. Seems like my suspicions are valid.

merryllamax · 2020-06-10 09:59:43

Fish, you can both find someone had a youtube channel dedicated to griefing and not find that very useful or want to watch those videos. I don't really care about anyway and if you find me so suspicious (I don't really see in what way, but whatever) just stop interacting with me, thanks

Arcurus · 2020-06-10 11:24:19

merryllamax wrote:

...
Thanks Catfive for the warning! Stupid question, but does this community just call every griefer Bobo? He's just a guy who puts his griefing on youtube right, not some sort of omnipresent evil.

lol he is "omnipresent evil"

Its like a story that you tell your kids to warn them about evil griefers, there will come one day where you need to be prepared for....

As far as i can remember i had up to now only one encounter with him in game where Bobo was my daughter, that was quite interesting experience, i guess if it would be every day, and if there would be no good / fair way of fighting back then it would become quite discouraging.

Currently i see the biggest problem, that many vets are getting bord / frustrated from some restricting updates and then start griefing which then leads to many noobs also being seen as griefers, since all are excpected to be so efficient. In last life one cursed some one for using too much kindling for backing.... and there where tons of kindling easy to make....

But maybe thats simple the "Zeitgeist" if i look in the world and especially in Amerika.

I guess it would be good if we all calm down little bit and exchange with each other our perception.

FishRfriendsnotfood wrote:

Why did you bring up bobo? That seems suspicious.

lol! @merryllamax Actually be carrful if some one in game mentions him, he / she might be Bobo! So much to he is "omnipresent evil", at least he is in the minds of the community...

Last edited by Arcurus (2020-06-10 12:40:43)

happynova · 2020-06-10 12:12:58

Others have said lots of useful things. I'll just add a few comments:

A baby demanding that I give them my clothes is the absolute surest way to determine they won't get them from me. Hell, at that point I'm probably not even going to bother looking for clothes for them. Entitled, demanding behavior gets no reward from me.

I will, however, sometimes give babies my clothes if there aren't other clothes available, just because I do want to give them every chance of surviving (unless they're entitled and demanding, in which case I figure they'll probably just grow up into entitled, demanding virtual adults, and who needs that?), and clothes really help. Especially when they're small. I figure, I'm an adult with a big stomach and (hopefully!) a decent yum chain, plus there's a very good chance that I'm much more experienced than the kid, so they probably need the insulation more. But I'd say that until you get to the point where you're a good enough player that you almost never starve accidentally, even when completely naked, you are better off keeping the clothes yourself.

Although I will add that if you have a kid a ways away from town, while pulling a cart or something, clothing them will mean they need to eat less often, which means you need to stop and feed them less often. So that can be worth doing, especially if you know you'll be able to reclothe yourself as soon as you're home.

Also, I may be in the minority, but I think if a kid starts spelling out insulting crap at you, abandoning them in the jungle is an entirely legit thing to do. Use your judgment, obviously. A kid calling you ugly may just be bored and have a stupid sense of humor, but if they're cursing you out, saying seriously nasty or racist things, you can be pretty sure they're not going to be anything but trouble and you're better off not having them around. Do be sure to curse them if you do that, though, so they won't have the chance of coming right back.

And for what it's worth, I, uh, would not take Legs as a role model, lol. First off, feeding your baby without waiting for them to say "F" used to be decent advice, but since these days feeding them won't work unless they're starving, it's not any more. Most people learn "F" very quickly, but if you get the new player notification, it's a very good idea to let them know they need to F when the food meter starting dinging.

And while you can't always help new players very much -- sometimes there's just too much chaos, sometimes you might not know enough yourself, sometimes they refuse to actually pay attention -- it's very much a good thing to look after them a little extra. Teach them if you can. Check in on them. Make sure they have food in their pack. Give 'em the lecture on yum chaining if they don't know it already. Stop and help 'em out if you see them flailing, like if they keep taking off their backpack trying to get food out. It doesn't cost you anything to take two seconds to remind them to right-click. This sort of thing is the decent thing to do, it'll help turn them into useful players more quickly, and it's good for your gene score. I believe the game sets a new player's life expectancy at 30, and complete newbies are likely to not live that long if left unsupervised.

As for leadership, yes, you do not have to do anything at all with it if you're not sure what to do or you don't want to, and you can pass it off to someone else if you are certain they're trustworthy. (Everybody's right about being careful with that, though. Much better a leader who does nothing at all than one who is actively destructive.) But you can also think of the leadership position as just a way to communicate. You could always say things like, "Order, I'm still kind of new, is there anyone who's willing to come teach me about Thing X?" or "Order, please come tell me what you see the town needs, and I'll pass it on." In my experience, there are often people who are entirely happy to come tell you what they need.

As for Bobo, he's just an idiot who apparently thinks it's worth paying for multiple accounts just so he can keep pretending to stab people who are pretending to farm carrots. I tend to think of him as very much the equivalent of a toddler I once knew, who couldn't resist knocking all the pieces off the table any time the adults would try to play a board game instead of paying attention to him. He's not a boogeyman, and he's not interesting. He's just kind of pathetic, and I don't know why people give him the attention his toddler self apparently craves.

FishRfriendsnotfood · 2020-06-10 12:48:36

this is bobo folks. don't waste your time.

DestinyCall · 2020-06-10 14:58:07

FishRfriendsnotfood wrote:

this is bobo folks. don't waste your time.

Your paranoia is showing, Fish. Bobo isn't everywhere.

merryllamax · 2020-06-10 15:09:05

Arcurus wrote:

As far as i can remember i had up to now only one encounter with him in game where Bobo was my daughter, that was quite interesting experience, i guess if it would be every day, and if there would be no good / fair way of fighting back then it would become quite discouraging.
Currently i see the biggest problem, that many vets are getting bord / frustrated from some restricting updates and then start griefing which then leads to many noobs also being seen as griefers, since all are excpected to be so efficient. In last life one cursed some one for using too much kindling for backing.... and there where tons of kindling easy to make....
But maybe thats simple the "Zeitgeist" if i look in the world and especially in Amerika.
I guess it would be good if we all calm down little bit and exchange with each other our perception.

Yes, I think we'd all benefit from calming down, but I guess that this game just reflects life all too damn well. But I get it. Recently I was in a village that had loom and wanted to learn how to make clothes. It was a lot of work - feeding the sheep, sheering them, making yarn, and when I made cloth and wanted to actually make the clothes someone else took it. Then someone killed all the sheep. But it's kind of nice to be upset about something that doesn't matter.

My third life ever I was born someone told me I was "in a Bobo camp"? I starved pretty fast. I still don't know how people can tell it's him and not literally any other arsehole and maybe it doesn't matter. I just find this game fascinating as a social experiment? It's touching that most people choose to cooperate and teach and build for the good of everyone, even though they will not see the fruit of their work after they die. It speaks to my soul as an atheist, lol.

merryllamax · 2020-06-10 15:34:22

Thank you, happynova, and everyone else, for taking so much time to put down these thoughts, I very much appreciate it. We seem to have the same instincts where babies and new players are concerned, so thanks for validating me there, lol. I do always try to help if I can and I know how difficult it can be. I tried being nice and teach someone how to make pies recently and the whole village damn near starved, cause it was taking way too long.

happynova wrote:

First off, feeding your baby without waiting for them to say "F" used to be decent advice, but since these days feeding them won't work unless they're starving, it's not any more.

Thank you for uncovering that mystery for me! Also, sometimes the baby won't feed cause you are "too old" and if I could change one thing about the game, I would get rid of that. So many unnecessary deaths and why? Since there is no way to know how old you are, exactly (right?) it just seems a bit cruel.

happynova wrote:

"Order, please come tell me what you see the town needs, and I'll pass it on."

This is a great idea, thanks.

Thanks also for your view on who-that-must-not-be-named (cause apparently just mentioning him means you ARE him *eyeroll*). If I inadvertedly gave him any attention on this threat, it was not my intention. I'm just trying to learn how to make stews and fancy digital hats while the world falls apart.

Arcurus · 2020-06-10 16:14:51

merryllamax wrote:

Thank you for uncovering that mystery for me! Also, sometimes the baby won't feed cause you are "too old" and if I could change one thing about the game, I would get rid of that. So many unnecessary deaths and why? Since there is no way to know how old you are, exactly (right?) it just seems a bit cruel.
...
Thanks also for your view on who-that-must-not-be-named (cause apparently just mentioning him means you ARE him *eyeroll*). If I inadvertedly gave him any attention on this threat, it was not my intention. I'm just trying to learn how to make stews and fancy digital hats while the world falls apart.

yes, i guess also in live sometimes mothers cannot breast feed their child anymore... ask some fertile female to take care or you need to hand feed... im not sure if you can see, but could be that you hair changes when you are not fertile anymore, not sure about that.

To see if it his him which should not be named, you can check the leader-board-ID (one of his accounts), since it tracks all, dont ask me how exactly....

merryllamax wrote:

...even though they will not see the fruit of their work after they die. It speaks to my soul as an atheist, lol.

yea, the game is great if you dont expect anything from the family you lived in after your one hour life, if you expect more and want to go their again to help, the game will kill your soul even if you are an atheist! I guess its a great invention that in "real" life we normally cannot remember last life... or do we have also this tons of suicide babies?

Last edited by Arcurus (2020-06-10 16:24:45)

Jojigirl · 2020-06-10 20:40:23

I try to find clothes first for my child, if there are none around I will give them mine.. I do keep my BP for myself though, and I usually know where the extra clothes are if we have some because I'm a gatherer most lives. Clothes are usually one of my top things to gather and bring back to town. If my child begs for clothes, I am less likely to give them mine.. It's not hard to find your own once you get older, no need to beg anyone for clothes.

I will let a rude child starve to death.. A rude child grows into a rude adult.. I choose not to be around toxic people, so yeah, they are left to die. The town is better off without them in it for the most part.

If I grow too old to feed, I will ask a fertile woman to feed my child.. Usually there is at least one mom tending to her kids anyhow and will happily feed yours as well. I do check up on them every once in awhile just to be sure they are being fed.

I don't tend to build a strong bond with my children, mostly because the only time I am in town is to drop off the things I have gathered or to take a short break to raise a child, clothe them and show them around town.. Once my kid is old enough, off I go again.. I do inform my kids that I am a gatherer and if they need any help with anything to ask around and someone will help them if I'm not in town. Strangely enough though most of my lives, my kids will all gather around once I'm too old to go out and wish me a farewell and express their love. I guess they seen and understand their mama was a hard worker, who kept the town clothed and supplied with whatever was needed.

Last edited by Jojigirl (2020-06-10 20:41:12)

happynova · 2020-06-10 21:33:01

merryllamax wrote:

Thank you for uncovering that mystery for me! Also, sometimes the baby won't feed cause you are "too old" and if I could change one thing about the game, I would get rid of that. So many unnecessary deaths and why? Since there is no way to know how old you are, exactly (right?) it just seems a bit cruel.

There's no way to tell your exact age without using mods (or keeping very, very close track of how long you've been playing), but your character's appearance does change when you hit 40, with greying hair and such. In some character models it's more obvious than others. You'll get better at noticing the difference, but I've been playing this game for ages, and I still often miss it when it happens. If you ever see a baby spelling out "O L D," or if it yells "F FF!" even after you've picked it up to feed it, it's trying to tell you you've got too old, so do pay attention to that if it happens.

You may already know this, but you can feed babies regular food if there's no one available to breast feed them. Try to feed them low-value foods like berries, because most of the pips from high-value foods will go to waste on them, but maybe try to get them started on a little bit of a yum chain, if you can.

DestinyCall · 2020-06-10 22:33:27

happynova wrote:

There's no way to tell your exact age without using mods (or keeping very, very close track of how long you've been playing), but your character's appearance does change when you hit 40.

You should definitely get HETUW or another mod that adds the age meter, but it is relatively easy to know your exact age if you plan ahead. Just start a timer when you are born and it will give you a pretty accurate measure of your age without requiring any special math skills. Most smart phones and modern watches have a stop-watch feature.

Alternatively, write down the time when you are born and then spend your baby years doing a little quick math to determine your milestone ages.

Honestly, this is another thing that should be standard in the game, like zoom control.

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The Mother-Child Relationship Etiquette

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