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I was born at a bountiful farm, and the moment I was born, my older brother demanded that my mother kill me. He told us his name was Satan (actually, he was a little kid and he couldn't really talk yet, so it sounded more like "Stan") and I told my mother that I would kill him. Then she told me the story of our family.

She said that I was her third child. She told me that her oldest son dreamed of being a shepherd. She told me that my second brother was the hellspawn who called himself Stan, and that I, the third, would be The Redeemer. I told her that I would make it my mission to kill the devil that walked among us.

And so I waited. I wasn't strong enough to string a bow yet, so I talked to Stan to keep him occupied. He was evil - the only words out of his mouth were obscenities and threats. But I tried to be the better person, and told him we should settle our differences and try to kill a bear. At first, he seemed to have forgotten his evil ways, but soon after he seemed to have abandoned that plan entirely to return to his peevish tendencies.

And so I returned to my mother, still waiting to be old enough to complete my mission. She had had six children now, and she was old and gray. She told us to move the village forward. She told us to give her grandchildren (I told her we definitely wouldn't - we were both boys). She told me I was The Redeemer.

I was getting older. I felt stronger. I took the bow and the arrow that I had lusted after for these long minutes, and I loosed.

And Satan died.

I was victorious. I had won! My mission was complete.

At first, my mother seemed... shocked. She had just witnessed the death of her second son. But then she said the words that I needed to hear most.

"I'm proud of you." (Or something along those lines.)

"My mission is complete," I said.

"I didn't have the strength to do it myself," she said.

"Your weakness was your love for your child."

'I don't regret that weakness," she replied. "It made you. You are The Redeemer."

...and I died, as the arrow of a confused vigilante plummeted through my chest.

WREKT